Two shoelaces meet in the street. "Gee", says the one to the other. "You look a mess". "Yes", the other shoe-lace admits, "I am a bit tight these days"

Peter sneaks up behind his father while he is tapping away on his home computer. Suddenly he runs of and shouts: "mum, mum, I found out daddy¹s password!" "Is that so?" aks his mother. "What is it then?" Proudly he replies: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

Lizzy comes home from school and her mother asks why she is looking so happy. Lizzy: "Teacher made me a compliment!" Mother: "What did she like so much?" Lizzy: "She said that we were all dummies and that I was the biggest one!"

Mother returns from shopping and Billy shouts: "Surprise! We have done the dishes for you, mummy. And we have neatly devided the tasks. I washed up, Mary wiped and Pete cleared away all the fragments!"

A boxing-champion goes to the cinema. He parks his bicycle outside and puts a paper on it saying: "Do not steal or else... boxing champion". After the movie his bike turns out to be stolen. In its place he finds a note, saying: "Chasing is no use... worldchampion cycle racing".

In the train. The guard asks: which of you has lost ten 100-pounds notes, tied together with a rubber band? All passengers raise their hand as one. Says the guard: "I have found the rubber band".

Why does a rabbit get into bed quicker than a dog?
He only has two teeth to brush.

What do mice do when they're at home?
mousework

Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?
when it's raining cats and dogs!

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Hop on!

A man shows his new house to a friend. "This is the living-room, this is the bedroom, this is the kitchen."Then they come to a completely empty room. "This is the music-room". Surprised, his friend asks: "But there is nothing in here?" "I know, but this is where you best hear the neighbours’ radio."

A lady takes up a room in a hotel. She complains to the owner: "Behind the wallpaper the wall is invested by cockroaches!" "Lady, I really don’t understand what you are doing behind my wallpaper," the hotel-owner answers.

Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak.

An egg and a tomato are sitting in a doctor’s waitingroom.
The tomato looks at the egg and asks: "Is the doctor going to take off the plaster today?"

What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
Answer: A hole!

Waiter, this tea tastes like soap!
O, I am so sorry madam, then I must incidentally have given you coffee instead of tea. Our tea tastes like glue!

The teacher is angry: Lisa, this is already the third time you are copying from your neigbour!
Lisa: Sorry, but his writing is almost illegible.

The boy asks the farmer: "do your cows smoke?"
"Of course not!", the farmer answers.
"Then your farm is on fire!"

One girl says to the other: Those hamsters of yours are so cute! What would you think they would say if they could talk?
Then they would say: "we are rats".

Two friends both own a guinea-pig.
"My guinea-pig can read the newspaper", says one of the boys.
"I know", answers his friend, "mine just told me".

Two tomatoes are walking in the street.
One of them says to the other: "Boy, you look pale!"
"Well, yes, my father is in the soup!"